Chapter 12: The Last Supper

How aweful I have been to neglect posting the final chapter of "Grace". I hope you have all enjoyed reading it, and I hope one day I will be inspired to write again. For now, here is the conclusion of Grace:

Grace again stepped through the door to Earth, but this time she felt a peace in her heart. She was not overwhelmed by the sin of the world or the pull of time, but she did feel those things and she also felt the need to quench them, as if she were a bucket of pure cool water to be poured over a parched land. She soon arrived at the doorstep of a lovely house in the suburbs of Chicago. Grace sighed deeply as she remembered the last time she had been in that house and she said a quick prayer before going inside. "Maker, Father, help me to show these people your grace and forgiveness in the same way you have shown it to me." She then reached up her hand and knocked on the door. The face of the woman who answered the door was creased in a tear-streaked smile. "Your back!" she said. "I am so glad you are ok" "You helped me in my time of need," replied Grace, "and now I am here to help you." "Come in, come in," said the woman between her joyful sobs. "My daughter is home, my baby is home. Come and celebrate with us!" When Grace stepped into the home she let out a cry of joy at the sight of a little girl, held tightly by her father, in the living room. It was the same child Grace had been sent to rescue in Chicago what seemed like so long ago. The girl sat up when she saw Grace and pointed saying, "Daddy, daddy! She’s my guardian angel. She is the angel I saw when I was lost!" "No," said Grace, kneeling down beside the child. "I don’t deserve to be called such. I saw you but I did not help you, and for that I deserve eternal death, but my father has given me something very special to share with you. He has given me the gift of eternal life, and you can have it too." With tears streaming down both of their faces, the parents knelt down beside Grace and said a prayer of thanks to their heavenly Father for the gift of their daughter’s safe return home. "Come," said the woman. "Let’s have communion." Together the four of them broke bread and shared wine, and as they did so they remembered the sacrifice of a man named Jesus who lived long ago. Jesus gave of his own body and blood so that they might have eternal life, and as they remembered his sacrifice they lifted their eyes to heaven and began to sing. "O come, let us adore him. O come, let us adore him. O come, let us adore him, Christ, the Lord." A tear slipped down Grace’s face, for she could not remember ever being so happy.

Copyright © 2005 by Jamie Madera. Reproduction is forbidden without permission. Contact me at jamielynne87@yahoo.com.

When you first start to run...

Wow, all this talk about love and "boys" has me thinking...actually, it's God who has me thinking. You see, he's been working in my heart lately. I aksed him to break my heart, and a few days after my heart was broken I realized that it was an aswer to prayer. Yesterday I told him I wanted to die for him, and tonight I began to die. Have you ever felt the most uncomfortable, aweful feeling, yet known that God was replacing your flesh with his Spirit? That's what it was like. I knew that I was dying and that it was good, but I have never felt more uncomfortable.
When we decide to follow Jesus, and I mean REALLY follow Jesus with every step we take, the devil hears about it and comes running. He throws things at us from every side until we feel we must be doing someting wrong to feel so aweful and...well, I usually think "I lost my happy feeling".

Thurday night I told God "I want to run with you, I want to war with you, and I want to die for you. Take me, I'm willing." I walked into opening night of my colleges musical (I'm in the orchestra) and the devil said "Look at that guy, isn't he cute?" after a couple hours, I went, "Hey, no way Satan, you will not distract me like that!" It was really awesome to recognize that the devil was trying to distract me. So then Friday night the musical was under stress - panick attacks and asthma attakcs among performers - and then on top of it I tripped on the stairs and scared the heck out of the guy I was walking with. So I began to pray. I prayed for peace and against fear and as I prayed I realized that my words have power. Only hours before I had said "I want to war with you, God" In that moment I realized he had answered my prayer yet again, I was warring with him, fighting in his army! So here I am after night three of the performance. All is well and I hope that the spirits of peace and worship reign in that theatre in place of fear, but all I can be sure of is the fact that God is working in me, and hopefully through me, and my life is changing. I am in one of those defining moments when I have to change the way I act or what I say or how I say things, and honestly it is very hard. But I trust my God, throughout the day he has touched my heart so many ways. This morning I was driving to work at 6:45am and the new song by Carrie Underwood came on the radio. All of a sudden I awoke from my thoughts and began to cry as she said "She threw up her hands and said "Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, I can't do it on my own, I'm letting go so give me one more chance. Jesus, take the wheel."

Memories from Isreal

Here's a photo of "the gang" in Israel in June 2004. We are standing on the Mt. of Olives overlooking the East Gate of Jerusalem. From left: me(jamie), Sarah Owen, Katy Owen, Jeff Owen, Leah Wolf, Stephen Salstrand, Dillon Warnock. We had so much fun!

German review...

Ok, so about year and a half ago I was fluent in German, but now I am back to square one, and I need a place to practice. So here goes, I'm giving you a run down of the basics. Let me tell you about myself:

Hallo! Ich heise Jamie. I komme aus Pennsylvania, aber ich wohne in Waco, Texas. Mein Vater heist Ron und meine Mutter heist Janet. Ich habe eine Schwester und ihre name ist Hannah. Ich spiele Geige, und bin in die Baylor Symphony. Ich liebe Jesus Cristus, mein Herr. Jetzt gehe ich zu Universitat und studiere Musik. Jetzt ist es fuenf uhr dreizig und wir wollen supper gegessen. Aufwiedersehen!!

Wanna gues what I said? Have fun :-D

My heart

If you really know me, you know that I have a huge heart for evangelism, so I thought I would post the lyrics to a song that has really ministered to me. The song is by Casting Crowns.

Fathere hear my prayer, I need the perfect words,

words that he will hear, and know thier straight from You

I don't know what to say, I only know it hurts,

to see my only friend slowly fade away

Maybe this time, I'll speak the words of life,

with Your fire in my eyes

but that old familiar fear is tearin' at my words

what am I so afraid of, here I go again

talkin' 'bout the rain, and mullin' over things,

that won't live past today

and as I dance around the truth, time is not his friend

this might be my last chance to tell him that You love him,

but here I go again

It is time

It seems it is time for a list. Yes, I feel like posting a top ten list, but of what? Well, my dear reader, for that you will have to wait and see. Let's play a little game. See if you can match the numbers with their lists. I'll help you out by lettering the lists (A,B,C,D...there will be more than one number per list) Got it? The one with the most correct matches wins. Go!
A. Things I dream of
B. Things important in my future husband
C. These things are lots of fun!
D. Things I do in my quiet times
Here are your numbers. Remember to choose which list they match with:
1. To play in the New York Philharmonic
2. To seek after the heart of God (could this be a trick question?)
3. To be able to see the depth of a person's heart
4. To read a book written by Jane Austen
5. To be interested in the things I love
6. To ice skate
7. To live in Germany or Israel
8. To sit by the fire and think
9. To spend time with my best friend
10. To swing dance
I am ready and waiting to see how many you can get right! Answers will come soon, but not until you have at least tried. Have fun! :)

Swing dancing and being stood up...

Somehow I always end up getting guys to committ to come to swing club, then they don't show up, so I get stuck dancing with guys I don't know who are either weird, scarry, intimidating, or very sweet (I do make a point to say there are quite a few of the last kind) . But there must be some kind of reasoning to explain why the guys I want to come don't (and never mention why). Is there some kind of guy radar that says "this girl wants me to come, so I better not". Well, I apologise for my rants. Just the experience of the night. I am still in the learning process of this "guy friend" thing. It's a lot of work! :)

Chapter Eleven: A Day of Great Rejoicing

Grace settled in for her rest that night, and as angels do, she began to pray. She had not rested so fully for many months, and when she finished her prayer and the dawning sun began to seep in through her windows she felt refreshed. Her spirit was renewed not only from her prayer, but also because of the forgiveness of the Maker and the love of her friends. Grace got up from her knees, stretched, and began to prepare herself for the gathering. Just as she finished getting ready she heard a gentle knock at the door. She opened it to find her dear friend Rejoicing standing before her. "Come with me," said Grace’s friend with a broad smile on her face and excitement in her voice. "I want you to come worship with me." Grace took Rejoicing’s hand, excited to have a companion to accompany her to worship, and together they ran down the street, jumping for joy. There was a presence in the air that penetrated their hearts and they could feel a new song forming on their lips. When they reached the town square there was assembled a multitude of heavenly hosts, all glowing in their white gowns. Grace was wearing one too, although she couldn’t remember having put it on. She looked ahead and saw a shining light in the center of the great crowd. He wore a crown of gold and his eyes shone like fire. His sleeves were trimmed with glittering lace so white it was barely visible. He stood in his royal white robes that shone like the sun, facing the host of angels. The Maker’s face shone with a bright smile as he watching his beloved worshiping him. Some bowed, others kneeled, and others jumped and sang with joy. Some even remained still and silent in awe of His Grace. Yes, that is who she was: she was His Grace. In that moment Grace knew that she had a special purpose, and as she slipped out of the crowd she felt confident that the will of the Maker would be done through her. She would be used to bring healing because she was Grace, and she knew her purpose.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Annus slammed his fist against the table and shouted with indignation. "He has no right to her! Why does he always win? Why can I never succeed against him? I am supposed to have dominion over this earth, and I intend to claim my right!" As he finished his tirade, Annus began to pace the floor in anger. It was then, to his great surprise, that he heard a voice. The mere sound of it threw him to the floor, and he wept with fear as he lay face down. "I am the Lord, your God, Maker of heaven and earth. I have given your dominion to you, but I have dominion over you!" said the booming voice of the Maker. The sound of it was multiplied like the echo of an earth quake. He continued, "You will keep your power for now, but always remember that your day will come! I hold your life in my hands." Annus screeched at the pain of hearing the voice of the Maker, and he knew then that he had lost. Grace would never be his.

Copyright © 2005 by Jamie Madera. Reproduction is forbidden without permission. Contact me at jamielynne87@yahoo.com.

Chapter Ten: The Journey Home

Grace jumped out of bed and ran to embrace Forgiveness. "I just want to go home," she said, "but I’m afraid to face Him." "I know," replied Forgiveness, "Repentance is a hard step to take, but you know it is the right choice. Come, take my hand." With that the two stepped out of the room and walked through the house to the front door. "Are you ready?" asked Forgiveness. With a whisper so quiet it could barely be heard, Grace gave her timid answer: "Yes". The companions stepped through the door that led to the heavenly realm, and entered the Maker’s kingdom.

As Grace and Forgiveness took their first step in the Maker’s kingdom, Grace fell to her knees and began to sob. "Oh, how good it feels to be free from flesh and sin," she said. Tears of joy, stained by a broken heart, streamed down her face. She felt a heaviness on herself that had never been present in that place before, and she knew then what she must do. "Thank you," she said to Forgiveness, "but I must finish this journey on my own. I will go to see the Maker now, and I must go alone." Forgiveness smiled an understanding smile and released Grace’s hand. She turned away and walked towards her home. Now standing alone, Grace was overwhelmed with her situation. She could not believe that she was finally home, yet it did not feel the same to her. She knew that she was burdened by her sin and that the only way to become truly free was to kneel at the Maker’s feet and beg for forgiveness. With those thoughts in her mind she began to walk down the familiar streets towards the Maker’s abode. She was terrified, but something inside of her was pushing her to do the right thing. She knew where her mistakes had lead her and now was the time to turn the other way and choose life. That was the force that drove her now, a strong desire within her heart to experience life and freedom. She concentrated on these things as she approached her destination.

All was quiet on the streets as Grace neared the Maker’s home. She walked up the sidewalk with fear and trembling, but a quiet assurance within her told her that she was making the right choice. Suddenly, she looked up to see the Maker with a broad smile on his face, running towards her with open arms. Before she could react he had caught her in a full embrace and swept her off her feet. He swung her around in the air as tears of joy streamed down his face and he repeated "My daughter was lost, but now she is found!" Still holding her in his arms, he walked up the sidewalk to his home and through the front door, placing her in her favorite purple linen chair in the living room. Grace leapt out of the chair to her knees and began to weep, her tears mingling with his as he reached down to embrace her once again. "Forgive me," she said, "Oh, can you ever forgive me?" "It is done," he said. With that he took her hand and lifted her to her feet. Now standing face to face the two embraced as father and daughter, master and servant. "But after all that I have done, how can you forgive me so quickly, without a thought?," she said. "I don’t remember what you have done. It has been cast to the depths of the ocean, to be remembered no more." Grace returned to her seat, and the Maker sat across from her. She felt the heaviness lift from her and her heart become truly free as she accepted the Maker's forgiveness. "I believe we have much to talk about," he said. "If you are ready, my child, I have an assignment for you." "But what if I fail again?" she said. "How can you trust me again so quickly?" He replied by saying, "It is not a matter of trusting you now. I love you with all my heart, and I want to give you a chance to earn my trust once again." "I will go wherever you ask me to," she said. "Unto the ends of the earth, I will serve you. Your words will be mine and your thoughts my thoughts." The Maker replied by saying, "Here is your task. You will be sent to the home of those gracious people who took you in not very long ago, the parents of the lost child you encountered in Chicago, and you will guard their home and protect them. You will be my vessel to bring healing to their family and hope to their hearts. This is the task I give to you." Grace was overwhelmed with the Maker’s acceptance and love, and when he finished speaking she again fell to her knees at his feet. "It will be done, my king. My heart is forever bound to yours, and what you desire, I will do." They stood and embraced once more, and Grace left the Maker’s abode to return to her own home after a very long journey.

Copyright © 2005 by Jamie Madera. Reproduction is forbidden without permission. Contact me at jamielynne87@yahoo.com.

The Heavenly Man

"I am a heavenly man! I live in Gospel village! People call me Morning Star! My father's name is Abundant Blessing! My mother's name is Faith, Hope, Love!" This is what Christian brother Yun shouted as he was arrested in Communist China. He feigned insanity, shouting at the top of his voice so that he might warn the other believers nearby of the danger at hand. Soon after the incident he was taken to prisen. After faithfully fasting for over 50 days, being repeatedly shocked by high voltage, beaten, and humiliated, Yun was still very much alive in his spirit. His body, however, was reduced to under 70 pounds. During his fast he didn't even drink water.
This is the kind of faith that changes lives. This man lived in China when Christianity was a crime and mercy was only received by renouncing Jesus. Our dear brother refused to do so, and he suffered greatly for it. I am amazed at his words. After riding for miles in a van with his wrists handcuffed to a bar on the roof, his wrists were dripping blood, seared so that the bone was showing. After asking God to receive his spirit and being so overwhelmed with pain and fear that he could hardly breathe, this is what he said: "In my proud heart I had been thinking that I was important to the church, that they needed me to lead them. Now, I vividly understood that he is God and I am but a feeble man. I realized that God didn't need me at all, and that if he ever chose to use me again it would be nothing more than a great priviledge. Suddenly the fear and pain left me." Can you believe his faith!!! I want that faith, I want a heart like that!
The story of Christian brother Yun can be found in a book called THE HEAVENLY MAN. You should read it - it's changing my life.

The third time was most definately the charm!

I saw Pride & Prejudice for the 3rd time last night and it was better than both of the other times I had seen it. The audience was very interactive, laughing and sighing, and it was so enjoyable to hear the others around me enjoying the movie. I do have to admit, though, that it was less the great literature that excited me and more the romantic theme :) A girl can get herself in trouble allowing too many thoughts of romance. My friends and I returned home in high spirits, yet knowing that we would have to come to terms with the fact that our Mr. Darcy would not make himself known for years to come. I suppose that is the exciting part of being single, learning to love life even while you know that something amazing, your ver own Mr. Darcy, waits for you just around the corner.
I apologise to the guys reading this, knowing that your perspective is quite different. I would like to know what you are thinking about during a movie like this. I think you know that the girls are swooning (well, maybe not all of the girls - I certainly wasn't) or at least dreaming of marriage. So what do you think about during a romantic comedy? What you had for dinnner? How well the acting is? I could use some feedback here.

Pride and Prejudice

I saw Pride and Prejudice for the second time today and it was just as good. I am planning on seeing it again Thursday with a different friend. I love it so much, I think I might have to read the book again sometime soon! Hope you are all enjoying your holidays. If you want to read a fun story you can see it here. Good night!
- Ruth

What a time we had!

We are back from Mexico as of last night, and what a time we had! I'm sure you don't need a play by play, so I'll just give you the short(er) version :)

We arrived in Mexico City late Saturday afternoon, went through a several hour process of trying to find our luggage, which they had taken off the plane in Dallas because of excess weight. We finally left with one bag, the rest still in America. We took a 3 hour buss ride from Mexico City to Puebla. It would normally take only 2 hours, but the celebration of the virgin of guadalupe was in progress and millions of pilgrims were walking to Mexico City as pennance (a very sad sight to see) Entire families carrying paintings or statues of the virgin walking 60-80 miles over a mountain pass in order to work thier way to Heaven.
Our week began with a spanish church service at the church of the orphanidge we were working at (they provided us with a translator). We ate out after church, which was a big mistake resulting in a very unpleasant day Monday. I couldn't even hold down water (it was not fun!). So we were pretty much better by Tuesday and we spent the next three days watching four young children who were not old enough to go to school. I taught several violin lessons, and we also helped supervise the kids (over 80 of them from age 14 months to 20 years) while the staff had a retreat on Thursday. Friday we traveled downtown and went to the town market. I say town, but actually it was a city of about 3 million people. We returned home last night having received 2 suitcases on Tuesday, 1 on Wednesday, and the final one when we arrived at the airport to return home. We are alive and well, and I have never appreciated water pressure or a good sewer system more! I thank God for all the experiences, good and bad, that He gave us and I am excited to say I am experiencing a heart change because of all the eye-opening things I saw. If you want to find out about the orphanidge or sponsor a child I'd love for you to visit thier web site at www.thecityofhope.org. God bless!

Here we go!

My family and I leave tomorrow morning for Puebla, Mexico. Hope to tell you lots about it when we get back!

Bloggs to Visit...check these out!

Ok, here is my top ten list of blogs to visit, though I don't think there are actually ten. Give me some feedback and let me know what you think (hey, that was redundant, wasn't it? I think I just repeated myself) :-D
1. www.eucharisto.blogspot.com
2. www.myspace.com/joelclarkson
3. www.what-comes-next.blogspot.com
4. www.takejoy.blogspot.com
5. www.gracestjohncross.blogspot.com

Ok, I guess it was a top five list. Well, that should keep you buisy for a while ( a few hours, at least, if you really read like you're supposed to!)

That Christmas Morning Feeling...

I woke up today feeling like it was Christmas Morning. You know, that happy feeling you have inside knowing that you will jump out from under your covers to freezing cold air, you will drink hot chocolate or tea, and then you will read a book or sit by the fire. That is not what is on my calendar for today, but simply being able to enjoy an afternoon studying at Starbucks is enough to give me that "Christmas morning feeling". I played my piano jury this morning, and now I am off to Starbucks to study for my music theory final, which is in the morning. I will play a 4th and final Christmas concert tommorrow night, as I acompany the Temple High School Choir, along with about 50 other hired orchestra members. I have sung and played and listened to so much Christmas music that I feel Christmas should be over by now, but it is just starting! Friday will mark the completion of my semester as I watch my three students perform thier own concert, then my family will leave the next day for Puebla, Mexico to work with orphaned children for a week. Maybe my Christmas joy for today is simply a prelude for what is to come - many more happy days by the fire enjoying the Christmas Season. I wish you all an early Merry Christmas!

Pride and Prejudice

I saw the new movie "Pride and Prejudice" tonight and it far exceeded my expectations. The plot was very congruent and it did not seem at all like they had left things out, although they obviousy had to. The original movie was six hours long, and since this one was only two and a half hours I expected a big difference in quality. I was pleasantly surprised to find only a few changes. All the "important" events were in the movie and only a few things, such as the location of a scene or the particular way something happened, were changed. The acting was wonderful and the story, which was, of course, written by Jane Austin, was extraurdinary. I remember reading the book a few years ago and instantly falling in love with the characters. It is definately a book on my top ten list.
In conclusion, I recommend that everyone see the movie, but if you haven't read the book definately do that first. There is something special about being able to create the pictures in your mind before having seen someone else's idea of the story. Once you let those other ideas into your mind you can never objectively create your own.

Chapter Nine: A Power Overthrown

Grace pondered what her friends had said to her as she lay in bed in that foreign place, and as she tossed and turned she began to be aware of a battle raging within her. For the first time she actually looked at herself in the mirror, and she was terrified by what she saw. Her human form was moderately short, about 5 feet, 3 inches tall, and her appearance was totally discheveled. Her shoulder leingth brown hair was uncombed and there were dark circles under her eyes. As she looked at her reflection, she noticed something in the background, somewhat of a shadow. She whirled around to find Doubt sitting on the bed behind her. "Do you really believe you can be saved?" he whispered. Letting out a hiss, he arose and came towards her. "The words of your so-called friends have all been lies. You have come to far, and you must never look back." With those words, Doubt disappeared, leaving Grace alone. Shaken, she returned to her reflection in the mirror and was discouraged to find a gray hugh about herself. With frustration she returned to bed and her dreary thoughts. But despite the words of doubt, within those throughts, a ray of hope began to shine. For days she thought and, yes, even prayed about what she knew in her heart to be true. She wanted to change, and the influence that the creatures of darkness had over her had been weakend by her newfound faith. After struggling with doubt for a week, she was ready to call out to her friends for help.

The creatures of light converged on the Maker’s abode once again, for the second and final council to be called on behalf of Grace was about to begin. Wonder and awe filled the hearts of these creatures as they watched their loving Maker in his attempts to bring Grace home. Was there nothing he would not do to save one of his own? The Maker began to speak, and a respectful hush fell as he did so. "I called you here today to share with you the truths of this battle we have been fighting. As the close friends of Grace, I ask you to continue to pray for her safety and for her repentence. A victory has been won in her heart and your friends, Faith, Hope, and Love, have triumphed over the Enemy." With that, He bowed his head, and those watching him might have seen a small tear slip from his eye. His love for Grace was evident, and as his servants watched him weep for her, they knew that their prayers were needed and would be received. After several moments of silence, the Maker raised his head and began to speak again. "It is time for Forgiveness to go to Earth," he said. Forgiveness, in her peacefully glowing light, came forward at His words. "My darling, my love goes with you. Speak to your friend with compassion and bring her home to us safely." To the group, he said, "thank you for coming. You may return to your homes." With the conclusion of the meeting, Forgiveness traveled to the great door and stepped through to earth, where her other three companions were waiting for her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Grace awoke the first morning of the following week with the knowledge of a presence in the room. She sensed a calm that she hand not felt in a very long time, and she finally felt that she was ready to accept the help of her companions. She opened her eyes to find Love sitting on the bed beside her, and for the first time in a long time Love’s light was not blinding. The acceptance in the eyes of Love was so encouraging, and Grace made a choice in that moment that she was through with her rebellion, she was done following Insecurty, walking with Self Denial, and allowing Fear to controll her heart. Suddenly, she sat up in bed and embraced Love with all of her heart. Tears began streaming down her face as she renounced all of her deceivers and accepted Love as her friend once again. In the heavenly realms, Fear let out a scream as he felt his power slip away. He was once again reduced to a lowly creature of darkness, not good enough to kiss the feet of his master. "I’m so sorry," sobbed Grace. "Will you ever forgive me?" Love accepted her pleas with a ready and willing heart, but she knew she must speak once again before letting go. "I have forgiven you, but there is another who greater deserves your repentecne. Let us go to Him now." "Oh, I’m so afraid of Him," cried Grace. "Yes," said Love softly, "but in your heart you know Him well, and you know that He still loves you. Choose to believe the truth, and it will really and truly set you free." Love then released her friend from their embrace and stood to go. Panick struck Grace as she saw her friend leaving, but she was reassured by the sight of her dearest friend of all, Forgiveness, entering the room.

Copyright © 2005 by Jamie Madera. Reproduction is forbidden without permission. Contact me at jamielynne87@yahoo.com.

Chapter Eight: Grace's New "Home"

Grace awoke and found herself in a bed with soft covers and lush, feather-filled pillows. It took her a few moments to remember why she was there, and when she finally recalled her circumstances she let out an agitated sigh. "What have I done?" she thought. "I have brought myself to the utmost destruction, and now I must somehow explain to these people why I am here." At that moment the woman that Grace had seen earlier that morning walked into the room. Her long brown hair was pulled up into a messy knot and she wore a pair of jeans and a red cardigan over a white t-shirt. The expression on her face was kind, yet concerned. As she approached, Grace's mind began to race. "What will I tell her?" she thought. At that moment she heard a man’s voice calling, "Christine, could you come here for a minute?" The woman smiled apologetically, then quickly left the room, promising to return shortly. It was then that Grace saw for the first time that one of her kind was standing in the corner of the room. Faith stepped out of the shadows and within an instant was seated on the bed beside Grace. "You still have a chance," she whispered tearfully. Grace knew of what she spoke, and the only reply she could muster was the loss of a tear, not merely from her eye, but from the depths of her heart. "I want to change so badly," she said. "Can you help me to hold on? Can life ever be the same again?" Faith reached out and took Grace’s hand. "In our Father’s house there are many mansions. You have seen them, lived in them. Can you yet deny the truth? Let go of your hate and bitterness. Believe that you have been made worthy in the Father’s eyes and you will be set free." Grace closed her eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears. "How can I change what I have done? How can I make it better?" she said. When she opened her eyes she saw yet another of her kind. Love stood there, her blinding light once again too beautiful to look at. "What is it that is holding you back?" she asked. Grace knew immediately that it was fear. Sensing her answer, Love replied with the words of the Maker, spoken long ago. "Perfect love casts out all fear," she said. "Embrace my friendship and fear will have no power over you." With that, the two were gone, leaving Grace to ponder their words. Back at Annus’ headquarters there was a small earthquake. Grace’s heart had been softened and the realms of darkness were shaking. Fear shook as well. He knew his power had been weakened, and for once he was afraid.

Life Continues

Yes, I am alive. Although I have been quite distant from the world of blogdom for a long time now, my life has continued in its normality. Except that it has been normality times ten, if you know what I mean. Each time I begin to sit down and reach for a book or close my eyes my mind reminds me of another essay that needs to be written for a scholarship application or a measure in my piece that is not up to standard for the performance yet. Sometimes my body is crying out for rest, and all I want to do is to sleep. But most of the time I forget my tiredness and just trudge on through the day. My biggest struggle is to find adventure, and to renew the love of life that is so important.
My latest challenge has been "abiding", and by that I mean walking hand in hand with my Creator, listening at every second, always willing to do what He asks. I want this to become a reality in my life, so I am beginning now. I can tell it will be a long process :) I struggle with reaching out of myself and seeing the hurt or joy in another's eyes. My prayer lately has been "Father, break my heart for the lost." I want to live to serve, that has always been in my heart, but my flesh continuously tells me that serving myself is all that is important. I believe that life is a constant battle to silence that voice and listen to the Voice of Truth that speaks life and says "Care about them because I do, love them becuase I do, serve them because I do, be willing to die for them, because I did." That is what I want my life to be, a combination of those desires. In summary, one big adventure of walking daily with Christ, serving others, and learning to love a love that does not come from myself.
I love what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:8 "We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed: we are perplexed, but not in despair: persecuted, but not forsaken: struck down, but not destroyed" This is what gives my heart a spark of adventure - the idea of living a life totally sold out for Jesus, laying down our lives, being persecuted yet standing firm. That is what makes me excited about life. I love to witness, I love to challenge people with Truth, and I love to walk in the will of Christ and see prayers answered.
My life right now is a journey of faith. I am always learning and changing, and I am excited to allow Christ to work in me to become the woman of faith that He wants me to be. Thank you Lord that you are powerful enough to change my heart, even my heart.