Chapter Five: A City to Remember

As Grace and Self Denial walked the streets of Chicago new ideas flooded Grace’s mind. Her conscience told her that these "things of the world" were wrong and not a part of the good that the Maker offered, but she quickly reminded herself that she was no longer a part of the Maker and therefore her conscience was of no value to her. Grace stared in awe at the tall, majestic buildings and the thousands of people that walked the streets. There were humans of all kinds: male, female, black, white, Asian, Indian, old, and young. It was hard for her to form a stereotype of these humans because they were all so different. "Tell me about them," she said to Self Denial. "Well," he began, "they are very independently minded creatures. The just love to do what they want, when they want and will stop at nothing to achieve their dreams, especially those in America." Grace gave him a blank stare at the mention of that strange word and, sensing her question, Self Denial went on to explain. "This planet called earth is made up of different continents, which are divided into countries, which are then divided into states, counties, cities, towns, etcetera. You know that Chicago is a city, but it is also a part of the country called America." "And what about this ‘American dream’ that you speak of? Is it a creature, a spirit like us?" At that Self Denial smiled. He was not ready by any means to disclose the schemes of Annus to Grace, for she was still in the process of deception, but he would explain a little bit about American Dream. "Yes," he replied, "American Dream is the one that keeps the hearts and minds of the people in this country going. This creature must encourage people to be friendly to their neighbors, but it also tells them that they must follow their dreams and ambitions at all costs. That is what you are doing, Grace. You are doing what you want to do, regardless of the consequences to others and to yourself." At this, Grace was again stabbed by her conscience, but she convinced herself that American Dream must be a good thing, especially if it managed a whole country. Besides, she was enjoying her newfound freedom. It was so wonderful to not have to obey anyone for a change. In her heart of hearts Grace knew that she was lying to herself, but she was not willing to admit it, for she was getting closer and closer to another creature who would soon become her friend. His name was Pride.

"Come with me, this way," said Self Denial. Grace wondered where they were going, but her complete trust of Self Denial led her to follow him unquestioningly. Little did she know she was about to be transferred from one evil creature to another. Self Denial’s time with her was over and she would soon become the charge of another of Annus’s creatures. The sun was beginning to set as Grace and Self Denial walked the streets of Chicago and Grace was beginning to think that some of the streets looked familiar.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Back at Annus’s headquarters there was much commotion. "I want to go next!" shouted Insecurity. "No, me! I want to be next!" shouted Doubt. All was suddenly quiet with one powerful word from Annus, "Silence! I have already chosen who is to be next." They waited, each one anticipating that his name would be called. Finally Annus spoke, "Pride, make your way to the meeting place." The quiet sighs from the others might have been heard if they were allowed out of the throats of Pride’s rivals, but fear of disfavor in the sight of Annus kept them in check. As Pride stepped through the door to earth they all watched with envy, hoping to be next. Annus smiled at this evidence of his power and imagined his triumph over the Maker. All would end well, he knew, for the Maker was weak inside and could never defeat Annus’s powerful force. After all, it was Annus who had successfully led so many away from the Maker in the first place. Previously creatures of great splendor and glory, all who followed Annus had formerly been subjects of the Maker. "Now they are mine," thought Annus, "and soon Grace will be too." One more rebellious angel to add to the multitudes of darkness.

Copyright © 2005 by Jamie Madera. Reproduction is forbidden without permission. Contact me at jamielynne87@yahoo.com.

Chapter Four: Earth

Grace felt overwhelmed by a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions as she was made subject to feelings one never experiences in the Maker’s kingdom. She felt the pull of time and gravity, and the worst of all, a fleshly body. She screamed in pain at the feeling of flesh and sin that engulfed her. Why did she feel so wretched, so wicked? There was no going back now. She had left the Maker’s kingdom for good, and along with it the peace and security she had once known. Her spirit struggled to get out of the flesh that encompassed it, but she was trapped like a wild animal in a cage. "This is my destiny," she though. "I will be trapped forever." Her heart told her that it never had to be this way, but as fear’s grip tightened and thoughts of comfort were replaced with anguish and resentment. Soon Grace was beginning to feel hate for what the Master had done to her. "How could He?" she though. "He could have stopped me. He could have pulled me back." As she continued muttering hateful words under her breath Grace realized that she had forgotten something. All she could see was darkness, and she began to remember that a human, the creature she had become, had eyes. Slowly she opened them and found herself walking down a paved road, desolate and alone. She wondered where she was, and where the strange creatures called humans were. "Maybe I’m not on earth," she thought. Suddenly a shadow jumped from behind a tree. Grace jumped, then realized that it was not a human that she saw, but one of her own.

At first glance it appeared to be Insecurity again, but when she took a second look Grace realized that it was a new creature that she had never seen before. In fact, never in her whole life had she given him a thought. But now things were different, and the time was right for Self Denial to introduce himself. "Hello, Grace," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "You know what your heart is telling you, that you’ve made a mistake by coming here, but don’t listen to it. Truth is not in your heart or in believing in something. Truth is what you make it out to be. You can decide what is right and wrong." This idea startled Grace. She had never thought about it before, but with new ideas flying at her as she met each new creature she thought maybe this idea was a good one. "All right," she said, easily falling into his trap. "I decide that coming here was right and that I can do whatever I want." "Very good," scoffed Self Denial. "Now take it even further. You can decide that what you did in Chicago was not a mistake, but was the right decision." Grace took a sharp breath as Self Denial mentioned Chicago. How did he know about that? Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, she thought. I like his ideas. After a long silence Grace asked where she was. "Why, earth of course," he replied. "And I have been sent as your guide. I will show you how this planet works, if you like." Grace agreed to the plan and the two of them began walking side by side down the long, windy, road.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The evil creature Annus was not the only one planning. Back in the Maker’s kingdom a counsel had been called at the Makers abode. All of Grace’s friends, including Hope, Love, Joy, Faith, and Forgiveness, were there along with many other creatures of light. All looked into the gentle, loving eyes of the Maker and waited for him to speak. Finally, he said, "Grace has chosen to leave us." With that a hush fell over the small crowd in the Maker’s living room. "She has gone to earth, relinquishing all claim to me and my kingdom." Quietly, Forgiveness began to sob, her shoulders shaking. No one could understand why Grace had done this terrible thing. The Maker continued, "So far she has listened to Fear, followed Insecurity, and is now walking side by side with Self Denial. We must save her before it is too late. I could do it on my own, but I choose to use her three best friends, Faith, Hope, and Love." The three that were mentioned stood and came forward, their pure white gowns flowing in the breeze and tears streaming down their faces. "Your will be done," they said quietly. The maker, with great sadness in his eyes, told them that they had to go to earth. "It is the only way," he said. The three left the building quietly, heading for the same ornate door grace had past through just hours before. When they stepped through, they were encompassed by a quite different felling than Grace had been. Yes, they could sense time, gravity, and even sin, but they were not subject to it. As servants of the Maker on a mission for him they knew that his love and security would carry them as they searched for their missing friend.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Self Denial and Grace continued on their journey, and soon they came to a small farm. Grace jumped at the sound of a tractor starting and realized that there was a person on it. You cannot imagine the thoughts that went through her mind as she saw the man. It was not her first time to see a human, if you remember her trip to Chicago, but she had seen very few and each time she was fascinated. His long gray beard was full of the soil that he worked with and he wore blue, musty overalls over a shirt that probably used to be white. He appeared to be very concentrated on his work, and the noise of the tractor kept him from noticing the slightest movement, although it would not have mattered anyway, because Grace and Self Denial could not be seen by the humans. They were able watch and observe without being noticed. It is a gift given only to those that are from the kingdoms of light and darkness. Grace was in danger, though, of becoming visible. Even after all her mistakes she was still a member of the Maker’s kingdom but if she became rebellious she could very easily turn gray, and then the humans would be able to see her. Do not mistake my meaning, for there is no middle ground between light and darkness. I speak only of one who is becoming progressively more dark, and one of those progressions is the color gray.

Grace and Self Denial moved on down the road and soon came to a door visible only to them. "Do you care to go to a city?" whispered Self Denial. "Yes," said Grace, "I would very much like to see a lot of humans at one time." "Then step through this door, and we will be there." For a moment Grace was suspicious of Self Denial, and she remembered her other friends back home. But the suspicion lasted only a moment and she stepped through the door, with almost complete trust in Self Denial. When she opened her eyes she was standing in front of a sign that read "Chicago post office." Did we have to come to this city, she wondered. There were so many things here to remind her of her fall. Suddenly, and almost without thinking she repeated the words that Self Denial had planted in her mind a few hours earlier. "I did not make a mistake in Chicago, I made the right choice." With that she felt a stab of guilt but chose to ignore it. She had taken the first step to changing colors, and her complexion took on a slight gray hue, causing Self Denial to smile.

Copyright © 2005 by Jamie Madera. Reproduction is forbidden without permission. Contact me at jamielynne87@yahoo.com.

Life

Yes, it has been a week since I last posted. Nothing exciting has happened in that time, but I have learned a lot about myself. Each day, as I endeavor to make a difference for my Lord at my job and with my friends, I learn how much I need His help, and how little I can accomplish on my own. The older I get, the more I find the need to develop my own convictions. Yet, as I stand alone in places that my parents can not come (like my job), I realize that I need to constantly remind myself of what I believe. I know deep in my heart what I belive, but it is truely a struggle to let it come out in my every day actions. I want so desperately for the people around me to see Jesus in me, but it is very easy to let the Devil tell me that it is not important. So day to day I struggle to defeat that lie, and to let Jesus live through me.

I will be getting my computer (which has been out for repairs) back tonight, so I will soon post the next chapter of my story. Thanks to all of you who have kept up with it. :)

The Miracle of Life

I am overwhelmed with such a feeling of love when I place my hand on my friend's very large stomach. Yes, one of my best friends is six months pregnant. I find myself wanting to hug her and cry every time I see her, because I am so amazed at the miracle growing inside of her, and also have such great respect for what she is going through. Although I can never understand the feelings she is experiencing, I find myself wanting so badly to go through this with her. The truth is, she is changing in a way that I can not comprehend, and I am being left behind. Yes, it makes me sad, but I am beginning to realize as all of my friends (and me too!) are getting older that life takes people in different directions, and sometimes you are not allowed to bring all of your friends along. Just as I walk on to campus every day, feeling like school is my second home, she walks around with a second life inside of her. Neither of us can understand the other one's life, yet I pray that our friendship endures. I suppose that is the most true test of friendship, to be able to stay close when your lives are so distinctly separated. I have passed the test with my very best friend who has lived two states away for more than six years and has been married for six months. We are still best friends, and will be forever. We teach each other about our different lives, and remain connected through our love for Christ and each other. I pray I can pass this test of friendship a second time.

Summer continues!

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, but "the coffee business" has kept me so buisy that I haven't had time for much but making coffee and sleeping. Most days I have to be at work before 7 am, sometimes even as early as 4:45 am! My job is so much fun and all the people I work with are great, so it is really nice because the time flies while I'm working. I can't even think about counting minutes...I'm lucky if I get to look at the clock once or twice. I have attempted to start my summer reading, but it hasn't happened yet. It is hard for me to start a book, but I know that once I get into it I will not want to do anything else but read. I plan to begin practicing violin next week because I will have to prepare for the Baylor Symphony auditions, which are in August. I also would like to continue my study of German so I can take that CLEP test at the end of the summer. The book I've been trying to start is "The Heavenly Man". I don't know the name of the author offhand, but it is about Christian Brother Yun (I think), who is/was a persecuted Christian in China. I'm looking forward to reading it very much. Anyway, I thought I'd just give an update. Hope all of your summers are going well!