FINALITY - a word that has been eating at me. What does it really mean? Does it really exist? There is something in that word that makes me shiver, as if it speaks of no hope, the end of our second chances. I don't think it exists, except in one form: death. Wait, I am wrong. It does not exist in death, for death only gives the appearance of finality. In truth, death is the doorway to the very opposite of finalty: eternal life.

This week I have experienced grace again and again. Each day I make new mistakes, and I realize things about myself. I am still terrified to be walking in this new world, but I know that somewhere, somehow there lies a plan and a purpose for me. I feel so alone and empty, like I am one invisible person amongst the masses - "Lost in a sea of faces". My heart cries out, "will I ever be good enough, will I ever really make it in this harsh and competitive world." The only way to truly know is to trust. My savior has placed me here in the center of His will and I do totally trust Him. I think if I learn nothing else during this time there is one thing He wants me to grasp. I must draw near to him, nearer than I have ever been. This is the essence of life.

Distractions

There's a feeling we all experience. A feeling of recognition, of understanding. We see something at the surface level, but after a while reality beigins to sink in and we really begin to understand. That is how I felt today. I did what was right today - I got enough sleep, I excercised, I ate good food, and I spent time with the Lord. I went to work ready to face the world because I had done what I needed to for myself. Then I saw my distraction. At first I took it in the normal stride of life, but I began to realize that it was a distraction from the Enemy. I remembered the feeling...I begin to get close to God, to get in touch with the Holy Spirit, then my distraction comes. It may be a different distraction depending on what season I'm in, but the Enemy never fails to send it my way right when I'm not expecting it: When I'm content. The good things is, God is always near. Today He reminded me that it was just that - a distraction. I turned and walked away, feeling a genuine happiness in knowing that the things we all struggle with are able to be overcome. Jesus gives us this power and when we tune our hearts to Him, we will never fail to be surprised. He had my back today, as always, and I am grateful. Once again, my distraction has come and gone, and once again I am a better person because of making the right decision and calling on help from above. Our temptations and distractions are never bigger than the power the Lord has given us to overcome them.