A struggle for understanding

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man must be seeking Christ in order to find it."
- anonymous

I have made a choice to honor God. I fail miserably at this choice every day, yet in spite of my failure I choose to be a woman that reflects my redemption. I want to live out the knowledge that "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." The one thing that is on my heart is to honor my Lord with all that I am. I am blessed that He put this desire in my heart, because it was missing for so long.

Today I read the story of the woman who annointed the feet of Jesus. She was so overcome by his grace in forgiving her sin and so strongy knew the depth of her sin that she could not stop weeping. So she washed his feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. This was a woman who knew the greatness of the mercy of her Lord. I want to be like that.

When I have experienced His abundant grace so recently and so often, I can't understand when someone just can't seem to grasp it. They see my simple faith as a religion that I am pushing others to believe and because of that I feel I push them away by simply being who I am. Can I remain completely silent about the one thing, this man, this God, who defines my life? My heart breaks for them because they don't understand and I feel like there is a huge gap between our lives as I serve my Lord with all that I am, and they live in the world. How do you develop a friendship when the common bond of Christ is missing? This is a question that has been left unanswered in my heart.