Fatherless

They left, the men who belonged to all of those frightened families
Gone, lost in the cold, bleak world that is war
Some came home, many died
Those families, left without men to guide and teach them
They became the fatherless

Again, weeping at night, the children cried out for what they had lost
Hope, taken away in darkness and night, never seen again
Brutality robbed them of the life they should have had
But there was a design to save them
Save the fatherless

There is one, from the beginning of time, who has been what they need
Arms, encircling those in need of a leader, a man, a friend
He is there now, beginning to penetrate
the Berlin Wall that is around thier hearts
Break down the wall to reach the fatherless

Hope comes to a dark nation in the form of a man
He brings life through his chosen ones, sent to love
Love goes out and reaches the fatherless
Rise up! Carry them out of the depths of darkness
and bring the fatherless home

I write this out of my heart for the nation of Germany. They have been torn and broken by war and rendered fatherless physically and spiritually. They are a lost nation whom God desires to rise up and make a powerful light. I am going to the fatherless.

"Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand."
- Boede Thoene

At the beginning of the semester I wrote out a list of things I wanted to accomplish. I want to become a good "follow" in swing dancing, to take more violin students, to become the technical level of a profession orchestra musician, and many other things. But the most important thing is not the goals themselves, but the idea behind them. I desire to fight apathy with every ounce of my being. I have started by fighing those complaining ideas and thoughts that come with homework and the daily grind of school and replacing them with joyful thougts of how blessed I am that my buis day consists of playing, studying, teaching, and listening to music (with a bit of German spoken in between). I am walking in the Lord's plan and I am so blessed to have this calling! The thing that influenced this decision the most was the attitudes I noticed in my classmates last semester. Everyone was constantly tired and stressed and complaining, even about practicing thier instruments or playing in ensemble. How can this be, I asked, that they have chosen to devote thier life to the study and performance of music with no purpose?

I then began to ask, "What is my purpose in music?" The Lord answered that question for me last semester, which is a whole other story, but essentially He taught me to worship him and to pour myself out as an offering at every performance. This was taught, and continues to be learned, through my struggle with arm and wrist pain. Because I walk in a purpose to spread the Gospel and the Love of Christ through my gift of music, I have chosen to walk in an attitude of joy and love. It sounds easy, right? Oh, it is such a struggle! Every thought of negativity has to be fought, replaced and then discarded. But the Lord gives me strength and every day is a new challenge and blessing. The one thing that I have noticed besides my increased clarity in walking with the Holy Spirit is the joy I feel inside. I am content. I wish you could see me smile :)

I realized something today. I was watching a movie and Colin Firth (of course) said "I like you...just as you are." Well, I lost it and haven't stopped crying since. I think that I've put up such a good mask that I can't even see what I'm feeling. Only today I told a friend that I'm doing great in my pursuit of singleness, enjoying my love relationship with Jesus. I am really content where I am and I have lots of plans for the future. I do want a husband, but I realize that I'm young and I can wait. But tonight I realized just how much my heart aches for someone to love me. I have an awesome father and so many friends and family who love me dearly, but they are not my promised one. There is a place in my heart that only the one God has set aside for me can fill and I'm still waiting for him. Waiting...It seems like such a passive word, but it is really a knife that cuts deep into the heart. Waiting means trusting, it means serving, and it means listening. It means being willing to sacrifice your own ideas and timeline for that of your omnicient Creator. So here I am...waiting. I don't know how long it will be, but I do know that my promised one is waiting too.
I am willing to wait