Wow, all this talk about love and "boys" has me thinking...actually, it's God who has me thinking. You see, he's been working in my heart lately. I aksed him to break my heart, and a few days after my heart was broken I realized that it was an aswer to prayer. Yesterday I told him I wanted to die for him, and tonight I began to die. Have you ever felt the most uncomfortable, aweful feeling, yet known that God was replacing your flesh with his Spirit? That's what it was like. I knew that I was dying and that it was good, but I have never felt more uncomfortable.
When we decide to follow Jesus, and I mean REALLY follow Jesus with every step we take, the devil hears about it and comes running. He throws things at us from every side until we feel we must be doing someting wrong to feel so aweful and...well, I usually think "I lost my happy feeling".
Thurday night I told God "I want to run with you, I want to war with you, and I want to die for you. Take me, I'm willing." I walked into opening night of my colleges musical (I'm in the orchestra) and the devil said "Look at that guy, isn't he cute?" after a couple hours, I went, "Hey, no way Satan, you will not distract me like that!" It was really awesome to recognize that the devil was trying to distract me. So then Friday night the musical was under stress - panick attacks and asthma attakcs among performers - and then on top of it I tripped on the stairs and scared the heck out of the guy I was walking with. So I began to pray. I prayed for peace and against fear and as I prayed I realized that my words have power. Only hours before I had said "I want to war with you, God" In that moment I realized he had answered my prayer yet again, I was warring with him, fighting in his army! So here I am after night three of the performance. All is well and I hope that the spirits of peace and worship reign in that theatre in place of fear, but all I can be sure of is the fact that God is working in me, and hopefully through me, and my life is changing. I am in one of those defining moments when I have to change the way I act or what I say or how I say things, and honestly it is very hard. But I trust my God, throughout the day he has touched my heart so many ways. This morning I was driving to work at 6:45am and the new song by Carrie Underwood came on the radio. All of a sudden I awoke from my thoughts and began to cry as she said "She threw up her hands and said "Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, I can't do it on my own, I'm letting go so give me one more chance. Jesus, take the wheel."
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1 comment:
You go girl that's great. Hope all is well with you. Take care.
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