My Prayer

Lord,

Let your faithfulness fill my thoughts
and your holiness be the meditation of my heart

Allow me to minister to others
even if I don't know where my life is going

Never let my desire for man
supersede my love for God

Don't let fears steal my joy
or pain steal my hope

Let my utmost desire
be Your honor and glory

And never let me forget your faithfulness

Let my pain remind me of your sovereignty
and my sorrow bring your peace

When my heart aches, I know that
you are God, because you always hold me

Even if I scream "Where are you?"
when you're right by my side

I know that your love endures forever.

Changing Seasons

I feel a slight sadness that I would not expect to be mixed with all the joyful, wonderful and happy feelings on my birthday. I am sad to leave my teenage years behind because in some special way they symbolize childhood, and I'm not sure that I'm ready for the monumental work Christ has prepared for me. I do rest in this comfort that He has also prepared me for this work. I'm ready to move forward into adulthood, but still holding on to that little girl within me. I think she will allways be there inside of me somewhere.

I know that the age of eighteen is traditionally when one becomes an adult, but I have decided that in my life it was more of an "adult trial period". I felt like so much of an adult when I turned eighteen, but the things the Lord has brought me through in the past two years have shaped me so much that I don't even recognize that girl who was finishing her freshman year, and now I'm moving into my senior year. I think that, yes, I am sad to leave a part of my childish innocense behind, but I know that a part of walking with Christ is experiencing changing seasons, and this new season will be more exciting than I could ever imagine. I will follow Him wherever He leads me, and as I walk I hope that I can find the strength to hold my tongue, quiet my mind, and listen to His voice speak to my heart. I can feel Him reawakening the dreams of my heart!

Floored

Yes, I am totally floored. I suppose I should have been paying more attention to what is going on in the world of homeschooling, but I haven't. I tuned into the "700 Club" by chance and heard an alarming story from abroad. Homeschooling is being challenged in the most disturbing of ways - a family has lost their daughter.

A young teenage homeschooled girl, 15-year-old Melissa Busekros, has been placed in a foster home after a year or more of psychiatric testing and evaluation. The strongest statements in defense of her "mental disorder", which has been diagnosed as "school phobia", are these: Melissa is "a highly disturbed girl who obediently and faithfully obeys the idealistic statements of her father and who describes the State as being despotic and 'fascist-like'." The CBN report also says that "Melissa demonstrates loyalty towards her father and unconditional solidarity with her family."
"They say I am influencing the children too much…," said Hubert. "They want to stop any influence of the father."
Joerg said, "If you have a good relationship to your children -- a very close relationship like in the Busekros case, it seems to be in the eyes of the officials, something which is dangerous."

If you want to read the news report you can find it at http://www.cbn.com/CBNnews/117053.aspx

I am horrified that families are still enduring this kind of persecution. Please keep the people of Germany in your prayers and pray that the Busekros family will win the current court battles to get thier daughter back. They have five other children who are also in danger of being taken. There are as many as 400 homeschooling families in Germany who currently have no political rights in this area.

Eclecticness...

There is a thunderstorm outside and I am enjoying it very much. I just saw "The Ultimate Gift". It is very inspiring, and although they mostly left God out of the story, the values of work, friendship, family, and love were very well expressed. I'm feeling kind of eclectic right now...I think it's because mom and dad have been gone for so long and, although I've spent some time with Grandma I feel like I've been by myself since Tuesday. Also, I feel like I've been lost in thought since Tuesday. I love what is said of Daniel in his book, chapter 7, verse 28, "...As for me, Daniel, my thoughts greatly troubled me and my countenance changed, but I kept the matter in my heart." Daniel felt the pain and fears of his situation (after having seen an amazing vision) but his heart remained steadfast. He stood firm. In my very eclectic mood I wrote a song with, I must say, a very basic chord progression, but the words are from my heart. I thought you might like to read it.

You were my first love
You were the one who wanted me
You were my wounded heart
The one who gave me eyes to see

And You are still here
in all my sorrows and all my pain
You still love me
even though I walked away

You are my comfort
The one who holds me when I cry
You are my heart beat
Even if I should die

And You are still here
when I hurt and when I cry
You give me joy
in everything in this hard life

You were my first love...

A short note...

Dad is doing really well and should be coming home from the hospital on Monday or Tuesday. Thank you so much for your prayers!

My peace is slowly returning as I enjoy a beautiful, restful Saturday. And, seemingly in response to spring break, all of the trees have decided to blossom. It's beautiful!! Happy spring break!

Tonight

I just wanted to say that my recital went very well. It was such a blessing to get to perform my music before my dearest friends and family! I am a little upset with myself for being so nervous, but it is to be expected :)
I do ask for your prayers now, because my Dad is having problems related to his heart surgery. He had some blood and fluid drained off his lungs and now his lung will not reinflate. He is scheduled for surgery tomorrow (Friday) morning at 9am. I would appreciate any prayers offered on his behalf!
I think this situation, which caused both my parents to be in Dallas during my recital, and also the fact that my arms hurt so much has made this experience far different than I thought it would be. I am still in a place of trials and sorrow, but I trust the morning will come as I hold onto my Jesus. This new week will bring some much needed rest and hopefully, and more importantly, peace for my soul. Thank you for your prayers!

A Day for Dreaming

I'm sitting at the computer (yes, I really am...) and wishing my homeowork away. Today feels like a day for dreaming. I want to go walk in the fields and just listen to God. I'm listening to a song called The Silent Side and just desiring above all things to listen to the voice of my Creator.
Today I have been thinking a lot about how the passions that develop within us are not accidental. Where we put the best of our energies and time and effort, there will our passions be. Does this sound familiar? "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." I don't think I've ever looked at it this way before, though. I think that my Creator is calling me back to Himself. My heart hurt to realize that I have put the best of myself into my music. This is the best part, though...falling in love is not accidental!!! I've been wondering how to fall in love with Jesus, thinking that it would just happen one day. The truth is, when I choose to give Him the best of myself, then my passions will be there, where He is. I can choose to fall in love with Him! Wow...when I realize these things it seems to me that I should have known them all along, and maybe I did, but now I can express them. My mind is wandering...oh that spring break started this week! Keep listening to the voice of God :)
Ruth